This Week on Billboard: Akon f. Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Love You

This Week ON Billboard is where I unabashedly critique the current no. 1 hit on Billboard.com, the major yardstick for what's "hot" in music today. In order to simplify the review for those who don't want to read the whole article, each song is given a "!" rating, in which the finest grabs five of them.

Weeks in No. 1: 2

Weeks in Chart: 17

From the Konvicted LP

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"Konvict...Music..." Akon's arguably the least sexy R&B singer to come out in a while. Where most R&B artists take the smooth casanova route, he chooses the road travelled most by creeps and sleazeballs. Look at his track record: he entered the scene lamenting behind bars, then he followed that up with the helium proclamation of himself as "Mr. Lonely". After those, he recruited equally unsexy Eminem for "Smack That", whose attempts at erotica are either perverted or infantile.

"I Wanna Love You" (titled "I Wanna Fuck You" before radio) succeeds that same sleaze parade. Not because it's a stripper love/fuck story--stripper's need lovin' too--but because he's coming off like a desperate john that would pay anything for a fuck. "Throwin' bout 30 stacks in the back, make it rain like that, cuz I'm far from a scrub." If this song was "Pretty Woman", Akon's Jason Alexander and we're all waiting for a Richard Gere to come along and knock him out. Snoop, however, is velvet. He's a dud lyrically, as usual, but he still has the smoothest voice in the game, which alone deserves an additional "!".