The Philippines Experiment, Track Nine

If you know who I am or have been reading this blog, you are probably aware that I spent two and half years of my life living in the Philippines. Now I'm back, and I'm going to attempt to chronicle the entire experience as best as my vague recollection allows.





At this point of The Experiment, I had been in the Philippines for almost a year now, and I was on a living spree.


I had everything I needed. If you recall in Track Seven, I’ve gotten friends that I can more or less count on. And like I mentioned in Track Eight, I’ve also found someone lovely to spend my every waking (and sleeping) moments with. I was still jobless though, but I still had enough money in my bank account to keep me afloat for another couple of years (which, according to my friend Chad, is one of the four pillars you need when you’re starting over). I wish I could supply video evidence corroborating the fact that I literally had a skip to my step. I couldn’t be happier.

Then my laptop was fucking stolen.

Allow me to introduce to you this one guy, whom shall be known as “asshole” from herein. This asshole was already friends with the group of guys that I met a couple of months back, so he was always invited when we were hanging out. From the very moment that I met him, I could tell how much of a prick he is¹. He was the type of person that measures a person's worth by how much money they have, and from that same reasoning, he believed that he can obtain people’s companionship and loyalty by making it rain. Thus, by keeping friends of mine on his payroll, so to speak, he supposed he had the freedom to boss them around. Naturally, those friends of mine who were enabling him by taking his handouts felt compelled to obey his commands, or at the very least turn a blind eye to his asshole-ness.

To add to that, he also had a reputation of being shady. There was this one time when he asked my cousin if he can get a ride somewhere. Little did my cousin know that this request wasn’t as harmless as it seemed; this asshole actually wanted to use my cousin as a wheelman so he can steal pieces of bronze from a construction site. He also never stepped foot in bars and clubs because he was afraid that someone he had mistreated, cheated, or stolen from (or all of the above) would recognize him and made him realize that he messed with the wrong guy. On top of all that, he was just really abrasive, misogynistic, and arrogant. Plus, you know that saying that someone has been slapped by an ugly stick? Well, this guy has been clobbered repeatedly by an ugly 2x4.

I, a man of common sense, vowed to stay away from this asshole as much as possible. My resistance was so blatant that he easily sensed that I was trying to keep my distance, and that made him not like me as well. We were successfully avoiding each other, but when my birthday came up and he heard that I was planning a party, he told my friends that he wanted to be invited. I, a man of idiocy, conceded.

During the days leading up to my birthday party, which was held two days before my actual birthday, this asshole was suspiciously cordial, but I stupidly interpreted it as him being grateful that I invited him. In actuality, it was a cover up to his entire plan to steal my laptop. This is how the heist unfolded; it was so elaborate that I’ll walk you through it with a step-by-step shakedown:

i. My friends and I frequently booked an roofed outdoor court to play basketball on, and because I was the one person who owned a car, I usually volunteered to drive people to this place. Aware of the fact that I didn’t like him, this asshole typically avoided asking me for a ride, but two days before that birthday party, he asked me for one. Seeing that this seemed harmless enough, I obliged.

ii. When we arrived at the court, he asked me if he can leave his bag in the car. Sure, whatever. After our basketball games, we usually collected money from everyone (for the rental fee, to settle bets, to buy water, etc.). So when it came to that, he claimed that his money was in his bag, so he asked to borrow my keys to grab it. Not recognizing his malicious intentions right away, I obliged.

iii. The parking lot for this outdoor court was nearby, so it was a little odd that he was gone for a long time. We checked out my car and discovered that he wasn’t there anymore. After a half an hour, he came running in all sweaty and out of breath, and he said that he was gone for so long because he had to get change for his big bills. I found that incredibly annoying because we were only asking forty pesos for his share, and any of us could have easily covered for him, especially if we knew that he was going to make us wait for that long. It turned out (or at least, we all believed in hindsight) that he was gone for so long because he went and got a duplicate of all of my keys.

iv. Fast forward to the day of my birthday, my friends wanted to come over early to help out with cooking and preparations for my party. To my bewilderment, he accompanied them, saying that he wanted to volunteer to mise en place for my party. This was notably surprising because he would typically pay someone to prepare dinner for him, but it was a good deed nonetheless. I mean, you have to be a dick if you don’t welcome a good deed, right?

v. While we were all running around cooking, he was meticulously making sure that his plan was going to go down without any hindrance. My friend’s girlfriend noticed him playing around with the front door knob; he was circling around my house during his “smoke breaks”; he was asking Ikhari questions, like “does anyone else live there?” (no), “did we sleep on the first floor or second floor?” (second), “where did we leave the laptop at night?” (in the living room), “do we have another computer on the second floor?” (no).

vi. He had no intentions of staying for the party. Even after making a point of wanting to be invited, and even after coming over to help prepare, no one found it odd that "he had to be somewhere" that night. It was just this asshole being an asshole, as per usual.

vii. Two nights after my party—on the day of my actual birthday—Ikhari and I were upstairs sleeping , and right around 3 AM, I was awakened by our dog barking hysterically. I went downstairs to discover that the door was open (without damage) and my laptop was gone.

And that was it. I rushed outside and ran around barefoot and without my glasses on. Looking back now, I really didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going, but I knew I had to look for something, I had to chase someone.

After walking around outside for what seemed like hours, I finally went back inside and woke up Ikhari to tell her what happened. Now, Ikhari is not the kind of person that can wake up gracefully, but when I woke her up to let her know that my laptop was stolen that night, she hastily got up and went downstairs to survey what just transpired. We then drove over to the nearest police station to report the crime but we were quickly discouraged by the police when they stated that there’s a very slim chance that they can retrieve my laptop. They added that there are a lot of murders that remain unsolved in our country, so I shouldn't expect a case of a stolen laptop to be resolved easily. They suggested that we observe the local “black market” buy-and-sell area, a row of poorly constructed kiosks where most thieves go to turn stolen goods into a quick profit, for the possibility that it might turn up there. The police also asked us if we had a suspect in mind. At this point, I wasn’t yet aware of this asshole’s masterplan, but without hesitation, he was the first person that came to mind. Having said that, it’s hard to point the blame at anyone without evidence or witnesses, and I had nothing concrete to justify an investigation.

A couple of possible scenarios also popped in my head. One, even though the place I was living in was mostly inhabited by people who were related to me in some way, I know that there were crystal meth addicts living in neighboring houses. Anyone of them could have came into my house and taken my laptop so that they can sell it for a quick buck. There are two reasons to disparage this theory though. First, there were no signs of forced entry and it would have been impossible for anyone to get through that locked front door without a key. Second, if it was just a regular thief that has never been in my house before this night, I find it unlikely that he would go straight for my laptop when it would have been easier to spot a television, a DVD player, an Xbox 360, and various gadgets lying around in my living room. Moreover, if I were a regular thief, I would try to grab everything that I can get my sticky fingers on without really thinking exactly what I was grabbing. This cat burglar had the presence of mind to crawl underneath a table to unplug my charger and take that as well, and had the immaculate restraint to leave behind an iPod cord and an external hard drive cord that was plugged into the USB ports.

The second scenario was that Ikhari could have hatched a plan to swindle me. I admit that its plausibility infected my shrouded head while I was in the police station giving a statement. She could’ve easily let in a family member or a friend while I was sleeping to steal my laptop. But what happened the morning after debunked that presumption once and for all. When we got home, I literally had no idea what to do because everything I did, I did using that laptop². I was relying on that piece of electronic equipment so much that Ikhari and I would get into little tiffs because she would get jealous of the fact that I was spending more time with my laptop than with her. When that inanimate object was taken away from me unceremoniously, I became lost and confused by its absence. So I tried to replace that habit by playing with a Rubik's cube, like how people who quit smoking try to cope with the oral fixation with food or toothpicks. So I was sitting on the couch, tempestuously solving this puzzle. Ikhari saw me, walked over, and hugged me while I was fidgeting with this multi-colored 3x3x3 cube. Then we both started to cry at the same time. I thought to myself, if she was actually an ingenious criminal mastermind that concocted this plan behind my back, and she could still be this sad and supportive afterwards, then she would have to be an Oscar-worthy dramatic actress to be as convincing as she was. There’s no way anyone can be this dedicated to screwing someone over. Looking back now, I think this was the first time that I knew that she truly loves me. She was crying not because she also lost this “toy” that she resented to begin with. She was hurting because I was hurting. It’s weird to realize this now, but this crisis may have strengthened our bond, and maybe we wouldn’t have lasted this long if my laptop didn’t get stolen.

On the morning after everything went down, I was still hesitant to tell people about what just happened for various reasons. One, I didn’t want people to see me as an emotional wreck. Two, I didn’t want to see everyone’s scrutinizing looks, which is the inevitable reaction that I was going to receive when I tell people about this misfortune that I stupidly allowed to happen. Three, I still had no idea whom to trust. In my mind, everyone was still a suspect. Maybe a person I was about to reveal this to weren’t exactly the person that stole my laptop, but at the very least, he or she could’ve been an accomplice, or could’ve known that this was about to go down and didn’t do enough to put a stop to it. I never felt so alone in my life. Keep in mind too that this happened during my birthday, so a slew of family and friends were trying to contact me, so rather than exhaustingly feign congeniality, I just basically ignored everyone’s greetings.

But because it was my birthday, I knew that a phone call from my parents was imminent, and I had no choice but to let them know what just happened. I remembered just being massacred with emotions during that call. I didn’t realize until that point how much I missed loved ones who I can confide in, people who I can trust no matter what. It was like in Survivor, when the show reaches the point of the season when people get visits from friends and relatives. I used to think that these marooned survivors were overdramatizing like they haven’t seen their mother or brother or assistant coach for years, when in reality they’ve only been away from them for a couple of weeks. But after this incident, I completely understand what they're feeling. These contestants sign up for this exasperating contest in which the object of the game is for everyone to lie and backstab to outlast their competition. So communicating with any familiar face, whom they are assured won’t be dishonest, overwhelms even the most cold-hearted.

In retrospect, I really don’t know how exactly I broke the news to my parents because I distinctly remember struggling to get any words out. They, of course, were hysterical right away. Their reaction was an emotion amalgam consisting of anger (because I was letting strangers into my house), fear (because the assailant may return and I may experience a more tragic fate), and disappointment (because I had been in the Philippines for almost a year now and I haven’t accomplished anything professionally). To sum it all up, they basically wanted me to go back home right there and then, like they were about to buy my plane tickets as soon as they hung up the phone.

I told my parents to give me a couple of days to make a decision. But to be honest, I seriously considered going back to Canada after my laptop was stolen. They were pretty much right about everything. It was disheartening that even my so-called friends couldn’t be trusted. It was wearisome that someone could again easily break into my house while I was asleep. And I was actually disappointed at myself; sure, I was seeking out engineering possibilities but I couldn’t say that I was searching that vehemently for them. This whole incident was a wake-up call that forced me to reassess my situation and made me consider the possibility that options like writing, DJing, owning a restaurant, or killing it in a game show were all just unrealistic dreams. Ultimately, if it wasn't for Ikhari, I would've left right away. I had fallen for her and I didn’t want to leave her. Also, my pride got in the way because I made a checklist of goals that I wanted to achieve in the Philippines and I feared that people would see me as a failure if I came back with most of those tiny boxes unchecked. So here was another way my laptop being stolen ended up becoming a blessing in disguise. It was the nudge that I needed to get it all together.

After that phone call with my parents, I finally told my cousin what happened. I have known the guy since he was born and I figured that if there’s one person that would never screw me over, it would be him. Before I could even finish telling him the story, he knew exactly who I speculated was the main culprit. We tried to formulate a game plan to get my laptop back. We knew where the asshole lives, but we knew that we couldn’t just charge his house with pitchforks and torches without any proof. He could deny our accusation, get spooked and disappear without a trace. So, my cousin decided to gather all of our friends (excluding him) in an attempt to coerce some sort of substantial evidence from one of them³.

We met up at one of our friend’s house, and I arrived after my cousin had already explained to them what happened. I was already steaming mad when I got there; I didn’t know who in particular I was mad at, but one of them had to know something. They calmed me down and explained to me that none of them knew anything, but they were also certain that this asshole was responsible. That’s when the procedure that I laid out above was realized and confirmed. Some of them revealed that they were with him before the crime happened, and he kept asking them if they knew where I was that night. More importantly, when they were hanging out before my laptop was stolen, my friend’s camera was stolen too but she was too scared to let everyone know. They were certain that this asshole took it because he was the only one near the camera when it was stolen.

The group decided to expose all of these details to the police in hopes to build a case against this asshole. But the police told us that those revelations would not be enough to convict him based on the fact that they were all hearsay. The police could have taken all of those and used it to bring him in for questioning, but if he didn’t admit to the crime after 24 hours (or if he produced an alibi to validate that he was physically somewhere else when the crime happened), he could turn around and slap me with a lawsuit for false accusations. The lawful police of our great country actually suggested that I pay someone to pretend that he or she witnessed him committing the crime. I actually strongly considered doing that if Ikhari didn’t talk me out of it. Thankfully, I didn’t go down that path because perjury isn't one of those achievements I wanted on my permanent record. Also, a judicial proceeding in the Philippines can typically go on for three to five years, and legal fees would’ve cost more than a new laptop. More importantly, I wouldn’t be able to go back to Canada while my case is ongoing. It’s just trouble all around.

When all of this was happening, I was somehow blessed with an engineering job offer with a salary that can somewhat sustain a 15-day budget. I used that to appease the anxiety that haunted my parents, convincing them that I would be ok if I stayed for a bit. Of course, I had to abide by their condition that I change the locks on my door and I stop this pursuit of recovering my laptop and capturing this thief.

Because of this new job, I dipped into my personal savings to buy a new Macbook Pro. But ask me today and I'm still not sure if that was a smart financial decision. Like I said, that stolen laptop was so vital to my existence that it made sense that it needed to be replaced. At the same time though, purchasing that new laptop crippled my budget, even if you take into account the salary I was welcoming. If I didn’t buy that laptop, I could’ve had the means to remain in the Philippines for a couple more years.

Everyone advised me to just chock this one up to life experience, a lesson that I had to be careful who to trust from then on. But I didn’t like that I became cynical and paranoid after this episode. It made it hard for me to believe anyone now, to the point that even when a person is doing a good deed for me, it's difficult to shake the hunch that they have an ulterior motive behind it. Better safe than sorry.

As for this asshole, he was never seen in my city ever since, which in essence further proved his guilt. His Friendster account was even abandoned. I heard that my laptop was sold to someone for a quarter of its retail price. The last update I had about him was that he was arrested for stealing laptops and cameras from a hotel room at the next town over. I often daydreamed that I would see him walking down a sidewalk while I was driving and I would viciously run him over. Even now in Edmonton, I would fantasize about that sometimes.

---

1 On our first meeting, we were all supposed to go to the beach. We were all wearing aviator-style sunglasses except for him, and everyone was making fun of him for that. So, while inside a moving car, he threw his sunglasses out the window, and boasted that he can buy a hundred aviator glasses easily. He then commanded me (I was driving) to stop by the nearest Nike store so he can buy the most expensive sunglasses in there. They weren't aviators^↩




2 That old 17" Macbook Pro was my television, newspaper, jukebox, writing booklet, photo album, songwriting tool, job finder, encyclopedia, thesaurus, means of communication to everyone in Canada. ^↩




3 In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good idea to group them like that. If even one of my friends was in cahoots with this asshole, he would have given him a heads up^↩