This Week On Billboard: Bruno Mars - Grenade

This Week On Billboard is where I unabashedly critique the current no. 1 hit on Billboard.com, the major yardstick for what's "hot" in music today. In order to simplify the review for those who don't want to read the whole article, each song is given a "!" rating, in which the finest grabs five of them. It's been gone for a while, now it's back after a 22-month hiatus.

A review of this week's number one single right after Bruno Mars jumps in front of a train for ya






I got to hand it to Bruno Mars. When he skyrocketed to the top of the Billboard charts with “Just The Way You Are” a couple of months ago, I thought that would be a once in a lifetime occurrence. But he proved me wrong this week with “Grenade”, going 2-for-2 with an overly melodramatic single this time around. He also proved that he’s as boring when he’s sorrowful as he is when he’s in love. “Grenade”, in many ways, is a logical follow-up to his debut single. “Just The Way You Are” is all about how amazing his girl looks; “Grenade” is all about how Bruno was able to determine that in spite of her aesthetic beauty, she actually isn’t the most considerate woman in the world.

Bruno Mars’ first two singles are terrific examples of how his immaturity is reflected in his songwriting. If you examine “Just The Way You Are” again, you’ll notice that none of the compliments he gives had anything to do with his better half’s inner beauty. If all he cares about are her physical attributes, it makes you question how in love he truly is. In fact, I don’t know if the line “when I see your face/there’s a not a thing that I would change” can actually be considered a testament of love. People grow older, gain weight, acquire scars. Change is inevitable, and being in love is showing that you can accept change, for better or worse.

“Grenade” is also extremely immature, but for a different reason. While Bruno Mars came across as a shallow paramour in “Just The Way You Are”, he sounds like an illogical martyr in “Grenade”. He declares that the love he feels for this woman isn’t reciprocated, saying that all she ever does is kiss him with her eyes wide open (*) and “take take take it all, but [she] never give”. Clearly it doesn’t seem like he’s happy about it, declaring at one point that she should “tell the devil [he] said ‘hey’ when [she] get back to where [she’s] from”. Despite of all her shortcomings and all his hatred towards her, he would still “catch a grenade” for her, among other overwrought acts. Because these are such overstatements, they don’t necessarily come across as acts of chivalry; it just makes him seem suicidal. I know “throw my hand on a blade for ya” or “jump in front of a train for ya” are supposed to be allegorical, but it’s still incredibly exaggerated. And because these are all figurative proclamations that he’s singing, it lacks sincerity.

(*) How would he know that her eyes are wide open when they kiss if his eyes aren’t open as well? Spy cameras? A friend doing surveillance?

On a more positive note, between the two singles, “Grenade” was sung better. Bruno Mars sounds grittier here, his vocal high register stronger. He establishes the fact that heartbreak usually brings out the best in singers. However, in order to become an important figure in pop or R&B, it’s not enough that you sing well. You have to have a substantial identity—either that, or a five ‘!’ single—in order to be enshrined. Look at all the most valuable male R&B singers of the last decade: Usher gets by on veteran guile and enervating sexual magnetism; Justin Timberlake is the epitome of coolness; R. Kelly’s ingenuity spawns from his careless disregard for structure and consequences; The-Dream is the second coming of Prince; Chris Brown had youthful exuberance coming out of his veins; Ne-Yo can perfectly encapsulate emotions and situations with profoundly nuanced and detailed songwriting. What can we say about Bruno Mars so far? He’s immature? Overemotional? Perfectly boilerplate? Rocks a bowler hat? Half Filipino? If he wants to be remembered, he needs to have a better persona.

Oh and by the way, happy 2011 from Let's Touch Fives!

(t5!) score: !!