This Week On Billboard: Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are

This Week On Billboard is where I unabashedly critique the current no. 1 hit on Billboard.com, the major yardstick for what's "hot" in music today. In order to simplify the review for those who don't want to read the whole article, each song is given a "!" rating, in which the finest grabs five of them. It's been gone for a while, now it's back after a 22-month hiatus.

A review of this week's number one single right after your hair falls perfectly without you trying






It’s been an up-and-down week for Hawaiian sensation Bruno Mars. A few days ago, he was spending time behind bars for walking around with cocaine at the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. This week on Billboard, his single “Just The Way You Are” reached the top of the charts, giving him his first solo #1 single of his budding career. Now I don’t feel like doing the research, so take this factoid with a grain of salt, but I’m very sure he’s the only musician ever to do this. Holding an eightball in Vegas is actually a marvelous endorsement for his music because the majority of canonized music in our history is actually written while the artist was on some sort of narcotics.

Bruno Mars is remarkably unimaginative and bland that it’s driving me insane, and “Just The Way You Are” epitomizes all the reasons why he’s so atrociously insipid. His voice, an unwrinkled high register in dire need of its own personality, is nice enough, but it’s nothing you wouldn’t find in any American Idol audition. His look, adorned consistently by his trademark grey-tone fedora, is so mid-zeroes Justin Timberlake. The concept for the video knocked off the cassette tape art circling the blogosphere a few months back (Props for unearthing the exotic hot chick from Tokyo Drift, though). Even the title is played out; Billy Joel totally wrote first all over that. But even if Bruno Mars is as unoriginal as a stock Honda Civic, I’m not totally shocked that someone might like this. With its simple melody and generic chord progression, this song is designed specifically to stay in heads, and it sure is doing work on mine. Although it may be difficult not to like, it’s also not something casual listeners will remember ten years from now. Here's hoping, at least.

In keeping up with the un-creativity theme of this week's TWOB, the lyrics of “Just The Way You Are” consist of nothing but clichéd flattery. Nevertheless, it’s the song’s most popular attraction, especially with those who are maudlin and depthless. Lines such as “she’s so beautiful and I tell her every day” or “when I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change” are indeed perfect for serenades because lyrics like these do not require much effort to understand. It’s not a Shakespeare sonnet, nor does it pretend to be. Moreover, complimenting your girl’s most obvious physical attributes is admittedly romantic—albeit in a way that is very jejune teen soap opera—and it’s guaranteed to make her blush. Even so, they do say that flattery is from the teeth out, but sincere appreciation is from the heart out.

Bruno Mars has found a lucrative niche in the world of pop with “Just The Way You Are", as well as B.O.B.’s “Nothin’ On You”, the other #1 hit he was involved in this year. He writes songs that girls wish their significant other would sing, the saccharine flipside to the R&B singer who wants to sex you up. If he stays with this angelic image and not ruin it with publicity disasters (Chris Brown, where you at?), he can have a reoccurring inhabitance at the top of the charts. I just wish he can write something original and exciting. I mean, even his mugshot was boring.

(t5!) score: !!!