(t5!) Heroes Of The Zeroes Singles: #10: Rihanna f. Jay-Z – Umbrella (2007)

Hear the word “Umbrella” mentioned in everyday conversation and it’s almost automatic that “ella-ella-ey-ey-ey” is triggered in your head. How many one-word song titles from this decade do that? “Fallin’”? “Crazy”? “Grindin”? “Fergalicious”? How many songs in the historical archives of music have ever done that? “Informer”? That’s why “Umbrella” and “ella-ella-ey-ey-ey” is going to be its own chapter when they write a book about pop music in the aughts. A lyric line as nonsensical is one of the decade’s most unforgettable and most anthemic.

Some of the kudos goes to songwriting genius, Terius Nash a.k.a. The-Dream. Without question, he has penned some of the decade’s greatest singles, such as J-Holiday’s “Bed”, Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It), and obviously the tracks he kept for himself. However, with all these gems under his belt including his own songs, “Umbrella” is perhaps his most acclaimed masterpiece. Of course, Nash’s brilliance doesn’t start and stop at “ella-ella-ey-ey-ey”; he has written an oath of undying loyalty here, a “you and me against the world” sworn statement to a loved one, whether it be a spouse, a friend, a family member, a domestic animal, a security blanket, whatevz.

Some of the other kudos goes to production magician, “Tricky” Stewart. Like Nash (and almost always, along Nash), he has been in the forefront of the hit parade for this decade also, putting together hit after hit after hit. He cooked up a fierce orchestra of sound in “Umbrella”, placing you in the center of a cyclone of razor-edged synths that overwhelms you in the bestest way. However, even though the synths are the single’s most noteworthy asset, it’s not even the finest part of it. Something as minor as the addition of an open hi-hat on the 1 can be as invigorating as a blast of cold water on a hot summer day. It’s also the reason why most of the “Umbrella” cover released fall flat, especially the acoustic versions of Taylor Swift and Mandy Moore. While the affecting weather wordplay still exists, without that open hi-hat, you don’t get the same impact

A small percentage of the kudos goes to Jay-Z also, even though his benefaction here is more of a stamp of approval than a sanctioned guest verse. Only three artists in the zeroes have the capability to transform a song by an unknown artist into a legitimate hit (not that Rihanna was unknown at this phase of her career) by simply linking it to their name: Lil’ Wayne, Kanye West, and Hova. It’s like the pop culture equivalent of getting someone past the velvet rope in a club, announcing to the radio listening audience (“it’s ok, the song’s with me”). Yes, the verse was sort of phoned-in but even though, he didn’t really bring anything to the table, he also didn’t take anything off it, giving Rihanna a pretty good introduction and a new nickname, “Little Miss Sunshine”.

And, saving the best for last, none of this would be possible without the Barbadosian princess, Rihanna, who lucked out on her greatest hit by far. I’m not sure who it was in the Mary J. Blige camp or the Britney Spears camp that decided to reject this song, but thank God for that. Rihanna, before “Umbrella”, has been criticized for being soulless and femme-botic; in “Umbrella”, her soullessness and femme-boticness fits right in with the bitter synths. Where others would’ve oversung the shit out of this r&b power-ballad, she stayed put and trusted the song’s notes. It’s fair to say that she might have been incapable of doing more than what she portrayed, nevertheless the singer-song pairing is inerrant. Rihanna’s plainness and her ability to squeeze in another syllable on the title make “Umbrella” all the more desirable.

Rihanna’s career arc in the zeroes was somewhat unusual; her pop culture existence before is akin to that of a lower seed in a March Madness tournament. She debuted with the now-overlooked “Pon De Replay”, a dancehall floor burner that went as high as #2 in the Billboard charts, but even when that was playing on the radio, everyone thought that she was going to be one-hit wonder. Then she followed that up with “S.O.S.”, a glamorous electro-pop that imitiates Soft Cell’s hooks. It was also a Billboard chart resident, but people still aren’t convinced, thinking that she’d join Tone Loc and Paula Cole in the two-hit wonder Hall of Fame. Then “Umbrella” smashed, and afterwards it became undebatable: Rihanna’s not only staying put for good, she also became one of the biggest heroines of the zeroes.