(t5!) Heroes Of The Zeroes Singles: #18: Jay-Z – 99 Problems (2004)

With the possible exception of his wife, Beyoncé, and his protégé, Kanye West, no one had a wire-to-wire lock on the zeroes quite like Jay-Z. His ubiquity was as such that even during his purported “retirement” years, Mr. Carter’s imprint could still be sensed throughout pop music, on his guest verses, hit singles by those he mentored, or just hit singles by outsiders that sampled his voice (“Bring ‘Em Out” by T.I. and “I’m A Hustla” by Cassidy basically keeping Jay in the top 40 for another six months without him breaking a sweat). During his run in the zeroes, he released radio-friendly smashes (“Izzo (H.O.V.A.)”, “I just Wanna Love U (Give It 2 Me)”), he rode hot beats (“Big Pimpin’”, “Encore”), he mastered the diss track (“Takeover”), he showed off his emotional side (“Song Cry”), his sense of humor (“Girls, Girls, Girls”) and his lyrical prowess (“Ignorant Shit”). There’s one song, however, that did all of that in one sweep. There’d be decent arguments for all of them being the optimal Jay-Z single of the decade, so I can’t really say that it was head and shoulders above every other single he released. But if we’re talking about the song that impeccably encapsulated what Jay-Z was all about in the zeroes, “99 Problems” was it.

It received enough accolades: as the third single off of The Black Album, it went as high as #30 on Billboard Hot 100. It was the song that soundtracks his supposed ride towards the sunset (which makes it the Jordan buzzer-beater over Bryon Russell in the ’98 NBA Finals). But what really makes it so quintessential was that after realizing that he already made believers out of those who were listening, “99 Problems” was Jay-Z’s attempt to conquer the rest of the world .

With “99 Problems”, he targeted three types of factions. First, he sought after the rock crowd. His rhymes escorted by cavernous snares, mighty guitar riffs, and cowbells gave people who are indifferent with rap something to bang their head to. Second, he seduced the old school by bringing in Rick Rubin of Def Jam’s glory days. The producer responsible for that stuttering heavy accompaniment snared those primordial fans of rap that used to bump Run-DMC and The Beastie Boys. He made them say, “hey, I forgot how cool it is when rock and rap successfully intertwined” when listening to “99 Problems”. Third, he won over the street, a demographic that he probably hasn’t lost to begin with so I guess he’s just reinforcing his reign just for kicks. He is, in all likelihood, acknowledged as the best rapper alive, but after releasing this can’t-be-fucked-with single, he, without question, solidified the title.

He takes no prisoners in “99 Problem’s” verses: vindictive radio, rap magazines panhandling for ads, “hoes that wanna make sure [his] casket's closed”, “rap critics that say he's ‘money, cash, hoes’”, the paparazzi, district attorneys, loudmouth rappers “wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight”. At his most unforgiving, everyone that ill-treated Hova doesn’t get a pass. But the verse that receives a ton of applause is the second one, when he plays the part of a victim of the police’s racial profiling. In 24 bars, he demonstrated his lyrical creativity, his vocal deftness, his story telling, and his commitment to a part. Not since Eminem have we witnessed a conversation between one person pulled off as nicely as this.

To be able to put the “Greatest of All-Time” credential in your rap résumé, you go out of your way to prove it. You can’t just casually mention it in a verse—self-proclamation is a method for bitches. You release songs so undisputable that the whole universe—critics, radio listeners, casual onlookers, aliens, morlocks, et al—have no choice but to accord you of the title. As we speak, they’re carving Hova’s face on hip-hop’s Mount Rushmore beside Biggie and Tupac, so that it’s officially done when he (officially?) retires.